Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
