Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
True strength comes from lack of pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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