Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
