Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
one might say we're banned from that church
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
