i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
