I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
