areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
