i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I had to cum in my sink.
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