It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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