I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize