why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
