Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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