oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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