I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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