Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
