i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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