well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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