Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
