I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
