did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
