i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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