I heard we made out
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
