Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
