I think i sorta joined a cult last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
