Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
