He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
