i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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