He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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