Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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