I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
