if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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