I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
