why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
