In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
