When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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