last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
