he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
