He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
