I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
