you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
