You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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