whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
