Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
