i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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