I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
