Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
