we have pet lesbian snakes
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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