Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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