Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
