Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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