so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
