I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In other news, I just burned my penis
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
