Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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