I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
