Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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