I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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