wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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