Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize