I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize