Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
