hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
