As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
