I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
