You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
