Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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