I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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