New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
