Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
