I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Bring me that man meat
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