giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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