he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
