using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
