On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
