Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
