My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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