I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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