We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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