Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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